i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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