I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
