I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
