OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
