Your mouth is God's brothel.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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