he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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