2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
