Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
