plz talk dirty to me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
