someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
