Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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