Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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