But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
