I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
