so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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