I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
