i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
