KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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