i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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