Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
