then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
