my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
