I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
