This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
