Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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