Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
