just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is the high leading the old right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
