I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize