I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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