happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
