its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
