My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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