My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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