he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
