Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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