can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
