I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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