Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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