i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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