wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?