Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
