fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba