I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?