she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Barsexuality is the new black.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later