"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
