ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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