i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
