I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
