3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
