It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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