If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
