He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
