Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
