WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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