dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're like the curious george of whores
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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