Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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