You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
