his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
