remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
