YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sext me about skeletons
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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