dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I intend to get homeless drunk
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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