I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
