Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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