is your mom at the bar?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
