Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is Oprah even human
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
FUCK WHALES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
